:: HOT SHOTS! PART DEUX :: Hot.Shots!.Part.Deux.1993.hdtv.720p Sync by nlsinh@gmail.com
[Whistles]
[Humming]
[Speaking Arabic]
Arsenio Hall!
Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!
Team two, take the prison.
We hit the villa.
Little sister, this is big brother.
We are in the ballpark.
Big brother, little sister.
We're at the prison.
[Dog Barking]
[Dog Burps]
[Growling]
Little sister, this is big brother.
Are you in position?
Big brother, little sister.
Affirmative. Attack in 30.
Starting now.
[Vacuum Running]
[Sucking]
Ahh... ahh... ooh.
6...
5... 4...
3... 2...
It's an ambush.
Alka Seltzer!
Whoa!
Aah! Aah! Aah!
Big brother, where are you?
[Yelling In Arabic]
Surrender, yankee infidels, you have no chance.
Off to prison, American satans.
[Automatic Gunfire]
[Screaming In Arabic]
Good evening. Americans were shocked today
by the announcement of the failure
of yet another mission
to rescue our hostages from the Middle East.
Informed sources reveal that the rescue team itself
has been captured and added to those
already being held.
Preliminary reports also indicate
that an attempt on the life of a terrorist dictator
was thwarted at the same time.
With the presidential election just 10 days away...
this could be a setback for the White House.
Presidential challenger Senator Gray Edwards
campaigning in Chattanooga
commented on the failed mission.
This is no time for partisan politics.
Bringing our people home
should be the nation's number one priority.
Despite this current crisis
the president is putting on his best political face.
Continuing on his campaign schedule
Benson's 20-point lead in the polls 6 months ago
has plummeted since the hostage crisis began.
A CNN/Victoria's Secret catalog poll
now has the president and Edwards running neck and neck.
This afternoon, Benson made a brief stop
in Fergus Falls, Virginia
for the groundbreaking of his presidential library.
The five living former chief executives...
Presidents Bush, Reagan, Carter, Ford, and Nixon...
were on hand for this groundbreaking ceremony.
White House correspondent Jeri Kelter
reports on this historic moment.
The library is to be built adjacent
to the Fergus Falls Civic Center.
President Benson made no statements
as he went about his business.
Publicly, it seemed as though he was unaware
of the political blow he had been dealt.
Privately, aides marveled at his spirit
as he performed his usual morning routine
by milking the White House goats
and finishing a second helping
of grapefruit and creamed corn.
Tonight, the president and his top advisors
will be burning the midnight oil.
Sabotage.
My God, man, what does it mean?
We have to tighten security, sir...
find out who's behind it.
No, no, no. The word sabotage
what's it mean?
Someone's trying to subvert our mission.
One of our own people
could be working with the enemy.
- [Banging Pipe] - Come in.
- Mr. President. - Aah! Oh, Jesus.
Don't you ever sneak up on me like that again.
What is it, Bob?
If Edwards gets wind of this
he'll use it against you.
He'll try to prove you're incompetent.
I can prove that as well as he can.
The CIA can't afford another failure.
We want to send Colonel Walters
to get our people out.
To insure the mission's success, we'll need Topper Harley.
We think we've located him in the Far East.
Topper Harley.
We've served together before, sir.
There's no one better.
Cookie?
Not me, sir.
Young lady?
No, thank you.
No, I was just offering him a young lady.
Oh, yeah, Topper Harley.
Good. I love the boy. Kid's got guts.
Why, there isn't a fighting man on this planet...
Gotcha! Listening at the door, huh?
Well, Walters, looks like we've got our saboteur.
That's your wife, sir.
Hah! Yeah, so it is.
Lavinia, you're looking as lovely
as the day we met.
Find out what she knows.
As for you, get me Topper Harley.
[Honking]
[Screaming And Yelling]
Three. Three. Three.
Hmm.
[Man Yells]
- [Crash] - [Woman Yells]
Gummi bears! Gummi bears! Gummi bears!
Gummi bears!
Sprinkles! Sprinkles!
Gummi bears! Gummi bears!
Sprinkles! Sprinkles!
[Speaking Thai]
Aisle 5, mezzanine, to your left.
Program! Get you program right here!
One pig snout sandwich.
Both fighters are starting to show
serious signs of fatigue.
They're walking around.
Hey, this is where your conditioning pays off.
Cootchy-cootchy-coo. Cootchy-cootchy-coo.
[High-Pitched Voice] You win.
Topper! Topper! Topper!
Topper Harley!
Mmm.
Topper.
I don't believe it.
Topper.
Colonel.
Good to see you again.
Yeah. You, too.
You want to tell me about it?
Well, they let me live here.
I help out fixing things.
It's peaceful, quiet.
No one is allowed to talk.
And that dim sum fighting in the warehouse yesterday?
I just do that for the extra money
and to satisfy my male cravings to kill and win.
Colonel, who are they?
She's CIA.
The other man's an extra.
Ah.
What does she do?
Heads up covert operations in the Middle East...
reports directly to President Benson.
Colonel, these men have taken a supreme vow of celibacy
like their fathers and their fathers before them.
They haven't seen a woman in decades.
Miss Huddleston.
Ow! Ow!
This is Michelle Huddleston.
Topper Harley.
Pleasure.
You're sure not easy to find.
Why are you keeping track?
It's like the colonel says...
good men are hard to find.
I don't know how much you know
about what went on after the last war...
but several of our men were missing in action.
On two occasions we sent squads to rescue them.
Both missions failed.
We have to go in to get the men
who went in to get the men
who went in to get the men.
- What's this got to do with me? - I'm going this time.
We want you to go with him, Topper.
Why me, ma'am?
Because you're the best of what's left.
My war's over.
- Whoa! - [Splash]
This will cost you a few extra dollars...
but you'll make that back and more
on your heating bill.
We're going to be caulking the ashram
if you want to stop by.
Thanks, Bob.
This mission is important, Topper.
We've got to take care of our people.
Come with me.
When are you going to put Ramada behind you?
What are you talking about?
You say your war is over.
Well, maybe the one out there is...
but not the one inside you.
You're running away from the pain...
but it won't solve anything
because wherever you go...
you take the pain with you.
You've come a long way to bring me a lecture.
I know you were hurt when that woman left...
but you're using that to hide from who you are.
That was a long time ago.
I don't want it.
Hmm. Nice butt.
Topper, let me tell you a little story.
It seems there were three bears...
and one morning when their porridge was too hot...
they went for a walk...
and a little blond girl
came skipping through the woods...
and she ate their porridge...
she sat in their chairs...
and she slept in their beds.
And when those bears returned to discover that mess...
do you know what happened then, Topper?
No.
That little blond girl got scared.
Ran away.
So what you're saying is that little blond girl is me?
If this is about me coloring my hair...
Topper, they didn't make you this fighting machine.
They just cooked up the porridge
and went for a walk.
And you'll never stop running
until you face your three bears...
Ramada.
Colonel.
I'm sorry.
It's got to end for me sometime.
If you should change your mind...
here's my 900 number.
It's $5.00 a minute. I'll waive the charges.
Your three bears...
Ramada. Ramada. Ramada.
[Accordion Music Playing]
# If our lips should meet #
#Innamorata #
I missed it, Don Corleone.
# Kiss me, kiss me sweet #
#Innamorata #
# Hold me close and say you're mine #
#With a love as warm as wine #
# I'm at heaven's door #
#Innamorata #
#Want you more and more #
#Innamorata #
#You're a symphony #
#A very beautiful sonata #
# My innamorata #
# Say that you're my sweetheart #
# My love #
#You're a symphony #
#A very beautiful sonata #
# My innamorata #
# Say that you're my sweetheart #
# My love ##
Hey, what's wrong, kid?
Oh, I love you so much...
but it's such a crazy world.
I just don't want anything to happen to us.
Don't worry. In a couple of days
we'll be on the train to Hawaii...
we'll find a minister who will marry us...
and we'll never be apart again.
But if something should keep us apart...
if one of us can't make it
to Blenheim train station...
like for instance
if something came up unexpectedly...
Not that I think it would
or it already has...
Wherever I'll be...
I want you to know that...
Kiss me.
Kiss me like you've never kissed me before.
You will denounce the criminal acts against our people
by your president.
Sign here. Initial here, here, and here.
Phil.
Sign the document.
I see you're no stranger to pain.
I've been married... twice.
Oy!
Like the previous six...
this victim was found folded neatly in half
and placed inside the glove compartment
of a sanitation truck.
Police are baffled. This just in.
Presidential Military Advisor Colonel Denton Walters
has been captured during an aborted attempt
to free our hostages.
This tape was delivered to us
just moments ago.
They are treating me good here.
The food is tasty and nourishing.
The peace-loving leader of this great country
has asked me to appeal to you, President Benson...
to stop your vicious imperialistic tactics
around the globe.
Ladies and gentlemen...
please rise and give a warm welcome
to his excellency, the prime minister of. Japan...
Matsuhiro Soto and Mrs. Soto.
President of the United States, Thomas Benson.
Mr. President, this is Prime Minister Matsuhiro Soto
and Mrs. Soto.
President Benson, where is your First Lady?
Hell, I don't know. I've had many women.
Lost my flower at the age of 15.
I can't keep track.
Let's get this over with. I'm not feeling well.
My intestines were removed
during action in the North Atlantic.
Took a torpedo in the lower abdomen...
and they replaced every foot of my bowel with hemp. Clogs easily.
I hope you feel better.
My lips to yours.
The junior senator from Minnesota, Gray Edwards.
President Benson...
Prime Minister Soto...
ladies and gentlemen...
tonight we put election politics aside
as I join you in my duties
as majority whip
and chairman of the foreign affairs committee
in welcoming the. Japanese prime minister
and his lovely wife
to these United States.
Our two great nations have begun
what we hope will be a long...
[Vomiting]
I don't remember eating that.
I feel better now. Thank you.
It's that raw fish odor.
It makes... oh, God!
Look at that. There's my teeth.
Yeah.
They're filthy.
So I would like to propose a toast.
Oh, thank you, Yoko.
I'll take that, sir.
To world peace...
to a clean environment...
to harmony with our planet
and world prosperity.
Thank you.
Aah!
Looking for a place to sit, Lieutenant?
No. I need to speak to the president.
Can you arrange that?
You'd be amazed what I can do.
It's my fault they got Walters. I want in.
You showed just in time.
We're leaving in the morning.
I'm taking personal charge of this mission.
I hope you don't mind working under a woman.
And now, the president of the United States, Thomas Benson.
Prime Minister Tojo, Senator Edwards, my fellow Americans...
and our millions of illegal aliens.
It seems like only yesterday
I was strafing so many of your homes...
and here I am today begging you
not to make such good cars.
Excuse me.
Need a glass of water.
Damn tongue's gone dry on me.
It's not mine, you know.
I lost mine in Laos.
Commie kid lopped it right off.
Got this one from a basset hound.
Blouden, get the car.
President Benson.
No, you're not.
Seen him on television.
He's an older man, about my height.
Sir, this is Topper Harley.
Topper, yes, of course.
The son I never had.
Well, no damn wonder I didn't recognize you, then.
But a word of advice.
Don't go around calling yourself the president.
I wouldn't do that...
and I don't think you should either.
Just doesn't hold water.
Neither do I.
Let's get away from these power cables.
Sir, I'd like to join the next mission.
We're keeping this one on the QT.
We're calling it Secret mission
to go in and get Walters and our boys back.
Son, when you come back...
I'm going to throw you wonderful guys a party
the likes of which you've never seen.
There should be plenty to eat.
I doubt more than half of you will return.
Thank you.
Got a light, Lieutenant?
I quit smoking.
Besides, I don't think they allow it in here.
What are they going to do...
arrest me for smoking?
Now I know what to get you for Christmas.
Make it a Thighmaster.
I've broken my last three.
Really.
Let's go to my apartment
and discuss our mission.
I'm putty in your hands.
In my hands, nothing turns to putty.
# Tonight's the night we're gonna make it happen #
# Tonight we'll put all other things aside #
Hmm.
# Give in this time and show me some affection #
[Scraping Sound]
# We're going for those pleasures in the night #
[Honk]
#I want to love you #
#Feel you #
# Wrap myself around you #
#I want to squeeze you #
#Please you #
#I just can't get enough #
#And if you move real slow #
#I'll let it go #
#I'm so excited #
#And I just can't hide it #
Hmm.
#I'm about to lose control #
#And I think I like it #
#I'm so excited #
#And I just can't hide it #
#And I know, I know, I know, I know #
#I know I want you #
# We shouldn't even think about tomorrow #
# Good memories will last a long, long time #
# We'll have a good time, baby, don't you worry #
#If we're still playing around, boy, that's just fine #
#Let's get excited #
# We just can't hide it #
#No, no, no #
#I'm about to lose control, and I think I like it #
# Oh, yeah #
#I'm so excited #
#And I just can't hide it #
#No, no, no, no, no #
#I know, I know, I know, I know #
#I know I want you #
#I want you #
# Ooh, ooh #
# Ooh, boy #
#I'm so excited #
#And I just can't hide it #
#No, no, no, no, no #
#I know, I know, I know, I know #
#I know I want you #
#I want you #
[Squeaking Noise]
[Squeaking]
Ahh... ahh...
aah!
#I'm so excited #
# What you do to me #
#I just can't hide it #
# You've got me burning up #
#I'm about to lose control and I think I like it, yeah #
#I'm so excited ##
Yippee!
Yahoo! Yippee-kai-ai-yay!
Whoo!
And in an emotional address at the state capital...
Nebraska governor Paul Burmaster made a public apology
for his state being so flat.
Where are you?
I don't know.
What's wrong?
My arm's asleep.
No, something else.
My leg, too.
No, please, you can tell me.
Well...
Topper?
I have to wee-wee.
Look, I told myself
last night was just going to be last night.
I guess I never counted on finding a guy so deep...
so sensitive.
I've fallen for you, Topper.
I've fallen for you big time.
There's someone else, isn't there?
No idea what you mean.
Women sense these things, Topper.
I said there's no one.
I'm fine.
I know about Ramada, Topper. I read your dossier.
She must be quite a woman.
And what if she was?
Was?
Last call for train 590
for Glendale, San Francisco, and Honolulu.
Board!
Oh!
Unhh!
I told you! Warned you twice!
Harley!
Topper Harley?
Over here.
[Thunder]
I cannot go with you or ever see you again.
Just believe that I love you.
You must be brave, my darling.
This card is printed on recycled paper.
[Thunder]
- Hey, hey! - What th- - Aah!
Sergeant, pick that up! Someone could trip over it.
Which one of you is Michelle Huddleston?
She is.
I'm glad you're here.
We just learned the hostages are being moved.
I'm Commander Arvid Harbinger. I'm running this show.
I'm sorry, Commander. Presidential orders.
Lieutenant Harley and I are in charge now.
Any questions?
No, ma'am.
Harley. I've been there.
I've seen the enemy.
If you're not ready, you won't make it.
I've fired a couple of guns.
I'll assemble the men, with your permission.
Gentlemen...
Ms. Huddleston, CIA, and Lieutenant Topper Harley.
We're working for them.
Williams...
COMSI NC PAC RAMSET M-O-S-92 H-TAC OFFSPEC PADDYWHACK.
Paddywhack?
Give a dog a bone, sir.
Of course.
Rabinowitz, demolition.
I'm looking forward to blowing something up for you, sir.
I'm looking forward to your explosions.
Gentlemen, Commander Harbinger has just advised me
that we have 11 hours to free the prisoners.
After that, we may lose them forever.
This is the prison camp area.
It is heavily fortified...
but they'll never expect an attack from the jungle.
Your contact, code name Benchpress...
will lead you to the camp.
I'll be there to meet you at the rendezvous point.
Good luck.
Topper!
Topper, I know we haven't had much time together...
but when you go into battle...
I'd like you to take something of mine with you.
Your lucky mole.
Aah.
Topper.
What are you reading?
Great Expectations.
Is it any good?
It's not all I hoped for.
Know what I'm going to do if we make it?
I'm going to go back to Eagle River
and marry my gal Edith May.
Gonna get us a nice little place
with a white picket fence... you know the kind...
Two-car garage, maybe a fishing boat.
And in 15 years, when they're all paid for...
I'll set my charges, blow the shit out of them.
Got a girl, Topper?
Painter to Sky King. No parents in sight.
Party is on.
Green, green, green...
hook up!
Geronimo!
Me!
Aah!
Ah! Whoo!
[Engine Revs]
[Engine Catches]
[Saw Buzzes]
Aaah!
Ooomph!
Thanks, brothers.
Ow.
[Ssss]
Hyah!
[Choking]
Urghh.
Jeez.
Stop it.
Ramada.
Topper.
Why are you here?
This is Benchpress, our contact.
I didn't know.
You know each other?
Yes. Yes, we do.
It's been a long time.
Let's see. The last time we met...
was the Flurvian Sea.
You remembered.
I remember every detail.
The sky was blue. You wore gray.
I was in chiffon.
Oh, Topper, there's so much to say.
You're as beautiful as the day you dumped me.
You've changed.
That beauty mark.
It was a... It was a gift.
It's all very touching, but this is no time to reminisce.
If we're not at the rendezvous point in seven hours...
we'll miss our pick-up.
It's your show, hero.
Let's move out.
Follow me.
We're late.
I know a shortcut.
The meat's smoking.
Shut up.
Let's take it off the grill.
Leave me alone, would you?
Frank, you're drunk again.
Whose fault is that?
This is the best way to the prison compound.
They're used to seeing fishing boats
so they won't be suspicious.
There are clothes in the wheelhouse.
[Topper] Somebody once wrote...
"Hell is the impossibility of reason. "
That's what this place feels like. Hell.
I hate it already...
and it's only been a few hours.
I'm so tired. We get up at 5:00...
First I thought they'd handed me the wrong dossier.
I couldn't believe they wanted this man dead.
Third generation West Point...
top of his class, Korea, airborne...
about a thousand decorations, etc., etc.
I loved you in Wall Street.
[Beeping Morse Code]
Satellite reconnaissance indicates an enemy patrol boat
is heading for our people.
Send the alert.
Hello, lucky. Hello, lucky.
Report my signal. Report my signal. Over.
Hello. George, Mike, Walter, strength 3. Over.
Recon reports Indians on the warpath
in your area. Over.
Ain't no Indians around here. Over.
Do not take literally. Repeat... do not take literally.
The vultures are circling the carcass. Repeat...
The vultures are circling the carcass. Over.
I see a couple gulls, but...
The pit bull is out of the cage.
The crips are raiding the liquor store.
Hey, you yanking my crank?
If they come by and see a woman
they'll know we're masquerading.
Only men are allowed to do the fishing.
Topper...
why did you have to come here now?
Of all the missions in all the jungles in all the world
you had to come walking into this one.
I tried to stay away.
I thought I would never see you again
that you were out of my life.
But it's a sequel. I had to come.
Do you have any idea what the critics will say?
Same warmed-over characters...
Stop it. You're only using this whole casting thing
as an excuse... to hide what's really hurting you.
Hurts? Maybe. Once.
But I knew this day would come.
I knew you'd come crawling back...
begging for forgiveness...
groveling, sniveling...
pleading for another chance.
Sorry, sweetheart, but this all-day sucker
is down to the soggy white stick.
No, Topper, you don't understand.
I'm married.
I was married before you and I ever met.
I'm still married today.
You're joking.
- I'm not. - You are.
If I was joking I would say...
a horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, why the long face?
You are married. Why didn't you tell me?
I thought he was dead.
He worked for the government
training pilots for the CIA in Germany.
They told me he was killed over Villenstulden.
The day before you and I were to go away...
I received word he was in a Berlin hospital.
I had to go to him. They ordered me not to tell anyone.
I know how you must feel.
You know how it feels to have your heart shot out of season
and strapped to the hood of a car?
To be passed like the world's largest kidney stone?
Ramada, I don't think so.
[Siren]
Patrol boat!
Remember, we're not American.
Those boys aren't stupid.
Where's Harbinger?
Shut off your engine.
We are coming aboard.
Ummm.
Hmm.
Kareem of onion.
Al. Jarreau.
Go on! Get out of here!
Ah! Ha ha! Take that to the bank and cash it!
Swim for shore!
Save yourselves!
Swim for it. I'll catch up.
Go!
Aha!
Omar Sharif.
Aah!
Ooh, ooh!
Whoo-whoo whoo-whoo whoo-whoo whoo-whoo...
whoo-whoo whoo.
Ohhh!
Aah!
Topper.
[Newscaster] And in other news...
President Benson is returning to Washington today
to speak to the nation...
in what experts are calling
the pivotal address of his political career.
[Pencil Sharpener Grinding]
Well.
How is the speech coming, sir?
Hmm? Oh, I'm practicing my A's.
Does this look like an "A"?
Yes, sir.
All right.
Ha ha ha!
What have you got there, Bill?
We received word from Michelle Huddleston.
Topper Harley is missing. His boat's been demolished.
- Oh, damn it! - Aah!
Every time I give an order, things get screwed up!
Plan a reception, they bring the wrong hors d'oeuvres.
Appoint an ambassador, he leaves the country. Now this.
We need a plan.
This may be our last chance to get the hostages out.
All right.
Now, here is where we are
and here is where they are.
Oh, Jesus.
No time for prayer.
Here's the target area.
That's Minnesota, sir.
That's the genius of my plan.
We don't have to traipse all over the world to fight.
We can do it at home and go fishing.
- The enemy's over there. - We'll fly them over here.
They can bring their relatives. We'll teach ice skating.
Mr. President, the hostages.
It's imperative that you act now.
Topper?
Aah!
Topper, you made it!
That's right, Cindy, it's 23 minutes past the hour.
And now, here's the Buckinghams with... Kind of a Drag.
You're bleeding.
I'll be all right.
There's something else that bothers me a lot more.
Harbinger...
where were you when the patrol boat arrived?
Below sweeping the boat for bombs.
What are you accusing me of?
Nothing, yet. But I want you to know I smell a rat.
Don't push me, Lieutenant.
Before you bagged your first babe...
I was slitting throats for this country
and making a good living at it.
I'm not saying I don't trust you...
and I'm not saying I do, but I don't.
Save it for the enemy. We got a job to do.
Oh, look, I'm cut, too.
Oh.
They got me, too.
It's a real gusher.
Let's get going.
There's a guard at the gate.
He's mine.
Wait here.
Topper?
Topper.
Oh! Jesus!
Before we go in there
I think there's something you should know.
What now?
Have you heard of Dexter Hayman?
The freedom fighter.
Yeah. He won the Nobel Prize for inventing the artificial appendix.
Exactly. Dexter is one of the captives.
He's my husband.
You've got to be joking.
If I was joking, I would say...
"a rabbi, a priest, and a minister..."
O.K., O.K., he is your husband.
Topper, I was so young, just a schoolgirl.
He was an older man...
wise in the ways of the world.
He came around the schoolyard day after day.
I so admired his persistence.
Even the restraining order my parents slapped on him
wouldn't hold him back.
He opened my eyes to the arts, music
clog dancing, Wrestlemania.
His work has meant so much to so many...
and I owe him everything, Topper.
Everything.
I'm happy for you, kid.
But if you think you can hurt me again, you're wrong.
I left my heart in my other pants.
Go.
Knicka nach.
Cock-a-doodle-doo!
[Imitating A Monkey]
[Squeak Squeak]
[Whinnies Like A Horse]
Ah!
[Cluck Cluck Cluck]
[Aah!]
[Cock-A-Doodle-Doo]
The Iraqi coast.
Oh, those bluffs look treacherous.
Hadn't counted on that.
But if God is on our side...
we'll rendezvous on Lincoln's wart by noon.
That's it, men.
We're going in.
[President Benson] Our rescue mission was underway.
But two things kept running through my mind...
Would we get to the men in time...
[High-Pitched Voice] And why'd I bring helium instead of air?
I'll guard the rear.
You take the front door.
[Glass Shattering]
The keys.
[Snoring]
[Dixie Plays]
[Brahms' Lullaby Plays]
What?
Enough.
[Clank]
[Squeak Squeak]
Huh? Eh?
I'll have a hamburger.
[Alarm Blaring]
Where are the prisoners?
Over there.
Let's go!
I'll take the back gate.
Now, that's a hell of a gun.
Where is Dexter Hayman?
Villa... compound 405.
Move! Move!
O.K., I'm here.
"Terrorist mountain...
"it's a small war...
"Pirates of the Persian gulf...
the hostage mover."
Ah, "Dexter's dungeon."
Harbinger, what are you doing here?
I was right, wasn't I?
You sabotaged all the other missions.
I find that totally unacceptable.
You got me wrong.
All these years...
fighting...
and shooting and killing.
I just... I can't go on.
I...
Hey, hey, hey, rainy face.
Hey, proud warrior.
Let the sun come out, you big, bad G.I. Joe.
You know, kitten...
we all have permission to make mistakes.
It's called learning.
You give Uncle Topper...
a nice big blow.
I'm done.
That a boy!
Thanks, Topper. I can kill again.
You've given me a reason to live.
Head for the gate.
Plenty more bad guys to shoot.
[Announcer] Keeps going and going
and going
and going.
Nothing outlasts the...
Yes!
- Aah! - Aah!
[Yelling In Arabic]
The copter pad's half a mile from the compound.
We can't leave, not without Dexter.
Topper, watch out!
[Music Box Music Plays]
For a moment there, I...
I thought you were...
Gabriela Sabatini.
I get that all the time.
It must be the nose.
The irony is I haven't picked up a racket in years.
You saved my life.
Topper, no matter what happens...
I want you to know that I...
I never stopped loving you.
[Whistle Blows]
Let's move out!
You know how to get to the copter pad.
If I'm not there in 15 minutes, you know what to do.
We hightail it.
No. Wait another 15 minutes.
[President Benson] We could hear gunfire from the compound.
From out of nowhere, a patrol boat appeared overhead.
How would we get past the soldiers on that boat?
Then, suddenly...
it happened.
[Breaking Wind]
[Poof]
[Sniff Sniff]
Ahhhh...
take cover!
Guys.
- Jeez! - Whoa!
[Machine Gun Fires]
That's it. Good night.
[Projectile Whistles]
- Aah! - Ohh!
War.
It's fantastic.
[Cannon Fires]
[Panting]
You looking over there!
O.K. We going this way!
I'm going over there!
You going with me. I'm going with this...
[Grrr]
Oh...
drop the gun.
Drop it!
You will die, yankee bastard-man...
how you say... like a dog.
[Grrr Arf]
Now March!
March!
[Woof]
Now I kill you where you stand
yankee doodle dork pig.
Ah, ah, ah, ah.
[Metallic Vibration]
Mm-hmm!
[Arf Arf]
Aah!
Slippery rascal.
Aah!
[Ring]
Butcher of Baghdad. Hello.
Hello, Saddam.
Uh-huh.
[Fast Chatter]
Oh, hello.
Who is it?
It's your wife... Hillary Rodham Hussein.
Jesus, Mary, Joseph! I'm so stupid!
I was supposed to pick her up at the laundromat!
Tell her I'm at... No, no... out of town on business.
A bombing. Gassing. A last-minute execution.
Tell her something. Make it up.
I'm sorry. You just missed him.
Ah! I owe you one.
Aah!
Ali McGraw! My eyes!
Infidel! I'm going to split you like a melon!
Aah!
Now I will kill you until you die from it.
In a pig's ear!
Mr. President!
Thufferin' thuccotash!
Looks like the upper hand
is on the other foot, Saddam.
Ah...
ha!
Uh-oh!
Yesss!
My skin's made of asbestos.
Tanning parlor action at Dien Bien Phu.
Go about your business, son.
I've got a bone to settle with this guy.
Yes, sir. I'll get Dexter.
Let's make this a fair fight.
I've been waiting for you, O Big One.
We meet at last.
The circle is complete.
Now I am the master!
Only the master of evil, Saddam.
Aah!
Your powers are...
[Cough Cough]
Your powers are weak, old man.
You shouldn't have come.
Yeah, well, I have.
We'll settle this the old navy way...
First guy to die loses! Hah!
Hyah!
Ohhh...
water...
water.
Water, please.
[Burble Burble]
It's locked from the inside.
- No! - Damn it!
We'll all die!
Control yourself!
Blow it!
It's not our property.
Do it!
[Burbling] Oh, Mr. Gepetto...
go ahead. Shoot. You'll get nothing from me.
You are filth.
I spit in the face of filth.
Dexter, I've come to get you out of here.
You're American.
Yes. I'm from America.
Let's go.
My friend, I yearn for freedom as much as anyone...
but I run from no man.
You've got to come with me.
I can't walk away.
They've tied my shoelaces together.
A knot.
Bastards.
I'm aborting the mission. Envelope is closed.
We're lifting off.
Here you go. It's 4.50.
I didn't think you'd make it.
Everybody on board. We're leaving.
What about the others?
We just can't leave them.
Ah...
ow!
Aah!
Wait. I...
I can't go any further.
I need a drink.
O.K., right a bit.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop.
Stop there. Down a bit.
There.
That's not very cold.
Is this filtered?
Their artillery will be down on us in seconds.
We have to lift off.
Then we'll lose Topper and Dexter.
But that's been the idea all along, hasn't it, Michelle?
You're looking beautiful as ever, Ramada.
How did you know?
I didn't. It all came together when I saw you here.
I thought back to your inscription in my yearbook.
You wrote, "Remember all the fun we had in speech class.
I'll fuck up your life if it's the last thing I do."
Then I realized where I had last seen this.
Ohh!
What could I have done
to make you so vindictive?
Looks like you gals know each other.
Oh, Ramada, how could you have been so blind?
You were always too wrapped up
being "Miss Perfect College" to notice me.
Why concern yourself with the feelings of one insignificant roommate?
One fabulous day...
one incredible experience.
I had no idea it meant so much to you.
I remember that day as though it were yesterday.
The exhilaration of experimenting...
Sharing something so new...
so dangerous...
so intimate.
Go on.
And I'll never forget the look on your face
the way the sweat glistened on your hard body.
Then you tied my ankles
tighter...
but it just wasn't right.
It wasn't natural.
Bungee jumping is just too dangerous a sport.
Bungee jumping? That's it?
Michelle, how could you hurt so many innocent people?
Oh, Ramada, it was always so easy for you.
How could you ever understand?
I had Dexter imprisoned
because I wanted you to suffer
as much as you made me suffer.
You fool.
When I discovered I couldn't win Topper's heart
because he still loved you
I tried to have you all killed.
He... he still loves me.
You turned your back on America
because of your own petty jealousy.
You're gonna pay for this.
[Splash]
Ha ha. Good doggie.
Ah... choo!
Ah-choo!
Ah... ch...
Ooh.
Ah!
Aluminum siding. 10-year guarantee.
I'll never have to be painted.
Ah!
[Dog Snarls]
Hmm.
Do you have any idea where you're going?
[Gunfire]
Ha. You missed.
It'll take more than that to stop me, you devils.
Don't jiggle me.
Advil, Midol, get over here.
To the helicopter.
They dicked with the wrong dictator!
This means war.
You'd better let me handle this, son.
Ew. You're so sweaty.
[Walters] I knew you'd make it.
It's about time.
Michelle.
She's our saboteur.
Topper, can you get me off the hook?
I'm sorry, precious. No can do.
You sold out the greatest country in the world.
And to think...
I wore your mole.
Get her out of here.
Dexter?
Ramada.
Oh, dear Dexter.
Look what they've done to your shoelaces.
Oh, my darling.
You've no idea what I've just been through.
But now we're together again
we have so much to look forward to.
I want to do it all...
Donahue, Geraldo...
Sally. Jesse.
Oh, and who's that black chick? Uh...
Oprah.
Yes. Yes. Her, too.
Let's go. It's getting hot here.
I'm going back for the president.
Topper...
I'm staying with you.
No, you're not.
You're getting on that copter with Dexter.
I thought you loved me.
Ramada, I do love you.
I've tried to forget you
but your face is always on the tip of my tongue.
Then let me stay.
I want to be with you.
I want to meet your parents and pet your dog.
My parents are dead. My dog ate them.
I'm sorry.
We both know you belong with Dexter.
You're part of his work...
The thing that keeps him going.
I'm no good at being noble
but do you know what would happen if you stayed?
Of course I do.
Sex. Wild, free, passionate, unbridled sex.
[Gulp]
I'd fondle you in ways you can't imagine.
I would pleasure you anytime, anyplace, in any way
for as long as you could possibly desire.
[Engine Starts]
You better get going.
You'll miss your takeoff.
Goodbye, Topper.
God bless you.
Wait a second.
Let me get a shot of you two.
It'll be a great visual for the talk shows.
Closer together. Come on. Don't be shy.
Put your arm around her.
I've almost got it. This is a great shot.
My God, you're going to love this.
You know, under other circumstances, you'd make a great couple.
Oh, well.
Say chees...
You're moving too much. Quit spinning.
This'll make me rich and f...
He really was a wiener.
Don't get me started.
Hold it there!
Hold it!
This buggy going to America?
Mr. President, I was afraid we'd lost you.
Not a chance.
Shove over. I got dibs on the window.
[Yelling In Arabic]
They're in my sights.
Just a second. This is personal.
We're too heavy. We need to lose some weight.
Aah!
# One can have a dream, baby #
# Two can make that dream so real #
# One can talk about being in love #
# Two can say how it really feels #
#It takes two, baby #
#Make a dream come true #
#. Just take two #
# One can have a broken heart #
#Living in misery #
# Two can really ease the pain #
#Like a perfect remedy #
# One can be alone in a crowd #
#Like an island, he's all alone #
# Two can make it just anyplace #
#Seems just like being home #
#It takes two, baby #
#Me and you #
#. Just take two #
# Ooh ooh ooh-ooh-ooh #
# Whoo-oo-oo-oo-ooh #
# Ooh-ooh-ooh ooh-ooh ooh #
# Ooh-oo-ooh #
#. Just take two #
# Ooh, one can go out to a movie #
#Looking for a special treat #
# Two can make that single room #
#Something really kinda sweet #
# Yeah, one can take a walk in the moonlight #
# Thinkin'that it's really nice #
#But two walkin' hand in hand #
#Is like addin' just a pinch of spice #
# Yeah, it takes two, baby #
#It takes two, baby #
#Me and you #
#. Just take two #
#It takes two, baby #
# To make a dream come true ##
Hot Shots Part Deux was filmed in Hollywood
in front of a live studio audience.
[Tape Playing Backwards]